{"id":8289,"date":"2020-03-17T15:31:30","date_gmt":"2020-03-17T15:31:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wellspring.ca\/alberta\/blog\/2020\/03\/17\/i-hate-this\/"},"modified":"2024-09-11T20:44:55","modified_gmt":"2024-09-11T20:44:55","slug":"i-hate-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/wellspring.ca\/alberta\/blog\/2020\/03\/17\/i-hate-this\/","title":{"rendered":"I hate this&#8230;"},"content":{"rendered":"<ul>\n<li>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\tDecember 15, 2020\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n<li>\n\t\t\t\tLiving with Cancer Blog\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h4>By Ian Robinson<\/h4>\n<p>It&rsquo;s a small world after all &hellip; and I fucking hate it.<\/p>\n<p>How&rsquo;s that for setting a tone?<\/p>\n<p>Guess who isn&rsquo;t handling this whole Covid19-voluntary-quarantine thing particularly well?<\/p>\n<p><img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/wellspring.ca\/ab-test\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/27\/2023\/06\/ian-mask-300x226-5.png\" alt=\"inline_235_https:\/\/wellspringalberta.ca\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/ian-mask-300x226.png\" width=\"300\" height=\"226\"><\/p>\n<p>Like a lot of you, I have one of them pesky cancers that isn&rsquo;t going to go away. I&rsquo;m a Stage IV. And that means that compared to B.C. &mdash; Before Cancer &mdash; my daily experience is smaller than it used to be. A lot smaller. Honey-I-Shrunk-Your-Life smaller.<\/p>\n<p>But I adjusted, I did.<\/p>\n<p>Some would even say I thrived.<\/p>\n<p>After cancer ripped through my skeleton and left me with the structural integrity of a wet Triscuit, I went from being an extremely physical guy who, summers, put more miles on his mountain bike than on his car. I&rsquo;d been working out at the same gym for so long I had forged relationships with trainers and other regulars. I worked &hellip; dear Lord how I worked. And loved it. Hated the stooges in tailor-made suits who descended from Olympus (Read: Corporate) every now and then to wreak havoc upon everything decent and good and effective in newspapering, but I never stopped loving the work and (most) of the people I worked with.<\/p>\n<p>One of the reasons I managed to thrive, even after diagnosis and treatment and all that crap, is because of my relationships with other people. A lot of that happened after I found my way to Wellspring.<\/p>\n<p>Wellspring saved me.<\/p>\n<p>Wellspring gave me a place to go and fun creative and intellectual work to do once I got there. Barb let me clomp around in her Healthy Steps class like an unchained water buffalo on Ecstasy. Liam&rsquo;s Exercise For Creaky Sickies (I don&rsquo;t think that was the official name, but you get my drift) helped me recover some of my body&rsquo;s strength.<\/p>\n<p>And then there are the art and journaling classes with Kathie and that merry band of loons I hang with there. Cheryl and Linda and Chris and Sandy and Bob and so many fun others. One of the last creative journaling classes I went to, I paused in the doorway, just watching them with each other. And when somebody noticed me staring at them and said, &ldquo;What?&rdquo; I made some forgettable joke and joined them.<\/p>\n<p>I mean, how do you tell a group of people that you were walking into a room to hang out with them and you had to take a moment because you were so filled with happiness and affection that if you took one more step, you were afraid you&rsquo;d burst into tears? They were just so god-damned beautiful together, you see. So &hellip; easy with one another. So much laughter and intimate camaraderie that I wanted to take a mental snap-shot just so I would always remember it. And so I did.<\/p>\n<p>My time on the planet is a lot shorter than I had imagined it would be and I was adjusting. Had adjusted. I wasn&rsquo;t kicking cancer&rsquo;s ass &hellip; but I was kicking ass at having cancer, if that makes any sense.<\/p>\n<p>And this fucking virus came along.<\/p>\n<p>And now I&rsquo;m at home in my den writing this.<\/p>\n<p>I&rsquo;m not all alone. I&rsquo;m married. Got a son living at home. There&rsquo;s no shortage of conversation &hellip; but damn it, I need more! I want more! Since I got diagnosed, if there was a motto I lived by it was this: More!<\/p>\n<p>More travel, more experiences, more foie gras, more love, more friends, more happiness, more tears. A friend told me I had become adept in discovering the sublime joy in the ordinary.<\/p>\n<p>And now another disease &mdash;&nbsp;<em>one I don&rsquo;t even have<\/em>&nbsp;&mdash; has taken away the new normal I worked so hard to create.<\/p>\n<p>I know. I know. Isolation is keeping me from getting a disease that could kill me mean, not clean. I&rsquo;m a grown-up. I get that isolating ourselves is an act of love for people we&rsquo;ve never even met. That we are keeping each other alive. I get it. Life isn&rsquo;t fair.<\/p>\n<p>But there&rsquo;s a part of me, the non-grown-up part of me &mdash; and those who know me are aware that my inner child is mostly outer &mdash; that&rsquo;s screaming, &ldquo;It&rsquo;s not fair!&rdquo;<\/p>\n<p>So I write this to connect with my brothers and sisters at Wellspring. And I correspond with friends far and near. And I try to use social media in a way that doesn&rsquo;t heighten anxiety but still keeps me in touch with people I like. (Facebook.) And strangers I like. (That&rsquo;d be Twitter.) And people whose lives I envy. (Instagram). And hot women in little clothing. (Also Instagram.)<\/p>\n<p>I write, I paint, I practice what I learned from my one Wellspring guitar lesson before they were cancelled. (Everybody:&nbsp;<em>I been through the desert on a horse with no name\/It felt good to be out of the rain&hellip;<\/em>&nbsp;Only two chords in that sucker.)<\/p>\n<p>But it&rsquo;s not enough.<\/p>\n<p>It&rsquo;s not&nbsp;<em>More!<\/em><\/p>\n<p>I guess what I&rsquo;m saying is that while it seems churlish for us to bitch about Covid19, I think it&rsquo;s only human.<\/p>\n<p>So peeps.<\/p>\n<p>What&rsquo;s getting you through these long days and long nights?<\/p>\n<p>You can comment here or email me at&nbsp;<a href=\"mailto:ianthesunguy@gmail.com\">ianthesunguy@gmail.com<\/a>&nbsp;Or catch me on Twitter @IanRobinsonyyc Stay safe people. And remember, #fuckcancer<\/p>\n<h4>Recommended Posts<\/h4>\n<article>\n                        <a href=\"https:\/\/wellspringalberta.ca\/2020\/12\/15\/have-a-merry-covid-safe-christmas\/\"><\/a><br \/>\n                    <img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/wellspring.ca\/ab-test\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/27\/2023\/06\/ian-christmas-300x178-12.png\" alt=\"inline\"><br \/>\n                    <a href=\"https:\/\/wellspringalberta.ca\/2020\/12\/15\/have-a-merry-covid-safe-christmas\/\"><\/a><\/p>\n<header>\n<h3><a href=\"https:\/\/wellspringalberta.ca\/2020\/12\/15\/have-a-merry-covid-safe-christmas\/\" title=\"Have a Merry &ndash; COVID-safe &ndash; Christmas\">Have a Merry &ndash; COVID-safe &ndash; Christmas<\/a><\/h3>\n<\/header>\n<p>                    <a href=\"https:\/\/wellspringalberta.ca\/2020\/12\/15\/have-a-merry-covid-safe-christmas\/\"><\/a><br \/>\n            <\/article>\n<article>\n                        <a 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<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/wellspring.ca\/ab-test\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/27\/2023\/06\/tove-jansson-1-229x300-14.png\" alt=\"inline\"><br \/>\n                    <a href=\"https:\/\/wellspringalberta.ca\/2020\/11\/02\/the-strength-to-be-grand\/\"><\/a><\/p>\n<header>\n<h3><a href=\"https:\/\/wellspringalberta.ca\/2020\/11\/02\/the-strength-to-be-grand\/\" title=\"The strength to be grand\">The strength to be grand<\/a><\/h3>\n<\/header>\n<p>                    <a href=\"https:\/\/wellspringalberta.ca\/2020\/11\/02\/the-strength-to-be-grand\/\"><\/a><br \/>\n            <\/article>\n<\/p>\n<p><!-- Add Pagination --><!-- Add Arrows --><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It\u2019s a small world after all \u2026 and I f*cking hate it.<\/p>\n<p>How\u2019s that for setting a tone?<\/p>\n<p>Guess who isn\u2019t handling this whole Covid19-voluntary-quarantine thing particularly well?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":8290,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"location":[],"class_list":["post-8289","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-member-story"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v28.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>I hate this... - Wellspring Alberta<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/wellspring.ca\/alberta\/blog\/2020\/03\/17\/i-hate-this\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"I hate this... - Wellspring Alberta\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It\u2019s a small world after all \u2026 and I f*cking hate it. How\u2019s that for setting a tone? Guess who isn\u2019t handling this whole Covid19-voluntary-quarantine thing particularly well?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/wellspring.ca\/alberta\/blog\/2020\/03\/17\/i-hate-this\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Wellspring Alberta\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-03-17T15:31:30+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2024-09-11T20:44:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wellspring.ca\/alberta\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/25\/2023\/08\/Fred-Camino-450x338-1-2.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"450\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"338\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"tommy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wellspring.ca\/alberta\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/25\/2023\/08\/Fred-Camino-450x338-1-2.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"tommy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/wellspring.ca\\\/alberta\\\/blog\\\/2020\\\/03\\\/17\\\/i-hate-this\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/wellspring.ca\\\/alberta\\\/blog\\\/2020\\\/03\\\/17\\\/i-hate-this\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"tommy\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/wellspring.ca\\\/alberta\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/1dd9c880278f6b5ba9d891f8ad58a8e9\"},\"headline\":\"I hate this&#8230;\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-03-17T15:31:30+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2024-09-11T20:44:55+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/wellspring.ca\\\/alberta\\\/blog\\\/2020\\\/03\\\/17\\\/i-hate-this\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":1022,\"commentCount\":2,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/wellspring.ca\\\/alberta\\\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/wellspring.ca\\\/alberta\\\/blog\\\/2020\\\/03\\\/17\\\/i-hate-this\\\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\\\/\\\/wellspring.ca\\\/alberta\\\/wp-content\\\/uploads\\\/sites\\\/25\\\/2023\\\/08\\\/ian-mask.png\",\"articleSection\":[\"Member Stories\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-CA\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/wellspring.ca\\\/alberta\\\/blog\\\/2020\\\/03\\\/17\\\/i-hate-this\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/wellspring.ca\\\/alberta\\\/blog\\\/2020\\\/03\\\/17\\\/i-hate-this\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/wellspring.ca\\\/alberta\\\/blog\\\/2020\\\/03\\\/17\\\/i-hate-this\\\/\",\"name\":\"I hate this... - 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