Alex Patience has a message for adults with young families who find themselves living with cancer.
“I highly recommend Wellspring’s family programs. Whether you’ve gone through cancer; you are going through it now; or you are about to go through it – do it! It really helps adults and kids process their emotions and find a path to healing.”
Alex was a nurse and a mother of three young kids when she was diagnosed with Nasopharyngeal carcinoma (NPC) – a rare type of cancer that starts in the nasopharynx – the tissue connecting the back of your nose to the back of your mouth.
“Getting the news that it was cancer was really hard. I had googled what a tongue palsy meant and everything I read was really bad. I thought – this can’t be real,” said Alex, adding that she was given a stage 4A diagnosis because it had spread outside the nasal cavity, but it’s important to note that this is a cancer that can extend to stage 5.
“I think seeing how it affected my family, and knowing that it was probably harder for them than for me … that’s what made me strong. I cared more about how they were feeling than how I was doing,” said Alex.
A community nurse, Alex notes the irony that she had passed a Wellspring Alberta location often on her way to her nursing job in a northwest Calgary community, and just weeks before she was diagnosed, she googled Wellspring and learned it was a cancer support organization.
“I definitely think that was a bit of good luck in all of this,” she said. “I had no idea the impact Wellspring would have in my life in the days that followed.”
Within a few months, Alex had a biopsy, but since the tumour was wrapped around her carotid artery, removing it with surgery was not an option. Next came 33 rounds of radiation and three different types of chemotherapy.
“Thankfully my cancer was quite receptive to radiation and by the time I finished chemotherapy, they said they could not see anymore evidence of the cancer,” said Alex.
Thankful does not begin to capture the joy she said her family felt when they were able to take their annual Thanksgiving camping trip together after the incredibly stressful nine-month cancer ordeal.
Parenting during cancer
Like many parents, Alex went to great lengths to soften the blow of cancer for her young family.
“You just want your kids to be okay. My daughter in particular, was seven when I was diagnosed, and she told me cancer put a hole in her heart. This was so hard to hear – I wanted so much to shield her from all the pain and worry. Our other two were younger, my middle child knew cancer was bad, but it was my daughter who was the most distressed. The only experience they had was learning about Terry Fox, and of course he died, so that was very hard,” she said.
Aware that her husband was also deeply affected by the news, Alex turned her focus to projecting a hopeful tone in the family home.
“Instead of being really down about it, I felt we had to change the narrative. We would say to the kids: ‘You know mommy is such a fighter, she’s strong, she’s determined, she’s a warrior, and she is going to kick cancer’s butt.’ And we would do some ninja moves. This was how we helped keep things lighter,” said Alex.
Leaning into Wellspring for support
When it came to support, the Patience family was fortunate to be surrounded with the loving care and attention of their extended families.
“Both our parents came right away and helped with the kids, and meals, and the house – they were wonderful! But even with the help, when you’re going through this, you still feel very alone,” said Alex.
Recalling what she had read about Wellspring, Alex decided to join, and was grateful to find a community of others who were going through many of the same things she was experiencing. She found yoga beneficial for building strength and she found the food and nutrition programs extremely helpful in offering guidance for her eating issues after radiation. But for Alex, her greatest desire was to help her family return to their centre of gravity, and so when she discovered Wellspring’s family programs, she zeroed in on the Children’s and Parent’s program that brings families together for meals, discussions, and kids’ activities.
“It was one year after treatment ended when I learned about this program and my husband was a bit hesitant to join – I think he thought that it would reopen the wounds. But once he got there and met the other parents and kids and saw how they were affected by cancer, and how our children got along with them, I think it helped him to relate to other people and feel that sense of community.”
Alex shares how the evening was structured to meet the needs of both parents and kids.
“There was a theme each time and after we all shared a dinner together the adults would gather in one room with a facilitator and talk about the theme, and kids would go off with the other facilitator and do an activity or a craft around their theme. Then at the end, we all came back together and the kids would share their theme and their activity and we’d all talk together,” said Alex.
Alex noted that the program gave parents tools to help their kids and helped her kids process their feelings and experiences around cancer. She shares that she was deeply moved by the compassion shown to her daughter when she became emotional at some points during the program.
“When we left Wellspring each time, we made sure to ask our kids about what they learned and what they experienced. We learned to lead with curiosity and not pressure them to put their feelings aside. We learned to help them talk about their feelings and listen without placating them or telling them everything’s going to be okay,” she said.
For Alex, the impact of this Wellspring program was profound.
“Even though we had finished our cancer journey, we still had wounds that needed to heal, and I think this family program helped heal our wounds,” she said.
“The people I met will never know how much they impacted me, and my story, and my children’s stories. Finding a community to support us – connecting with other people who have gone through what we’ve been through – it means so much to me. I will never forget.”
