The “Posse”: Finding Community After Loss

In January 2023, a group of people who had experienced the biggest loss of their lives came together through a Wellspring support group.

We had lost our partners. Our people. The person we expected to grow old with.

We arrived shattered, each of us trying to figure out how to navigate a life that suddenly looked nothing like the one we had planned. We were looking for support, for a little light in the darkness, for validation, for someone to tell us that what we were feeling was normal. Really, we were looking for anything that might help us put one foot in front of the other.

What started as a larger Wellspring group eventually became a smaller group of us who simply weren’t ready to stop meeting when the program ended.

Because the group was online, Wellspring brought together people who likely never would have crossed paths otherwise. We were different ages, at different stages of life, and living in different places across Canada. On paper, we may not have seemed like an obvious group of friends.

But grief has a way of skipping the small talk.

We understood things about each other that sometimes didn’t need to be explained. We could say the hard things. We could admit when we weren’t okay. We could talk about our partners without worrying that we were making someone uncomfortable. We could laugh about things that perhaps only another widowed person would understand.

Most importantly, we truly saw one another.

So we kept meeting.

More than three and a half years later, we still meet on Zoom every Monday.

The check-ins and support are still there, and still every bit as important. There are still tears. There are still hard anniversaries and difficult days. But somewhere along the way, something else happened.

We became friends.

Actually, we became ‘the Posse’, because a posse always has your back, and that’s exactly what this group does.

Our Monday meetings aren’t only about grief anymore. They’re about life. We hear about jobs and families, trips and home renovations, new adventures and everyday frustrations. We celebrate the big victories and the tiny ones. We cheer each other on when someone tries something new. We listen when life gets hard. We laugh. A lot. And when grief inevitably sneaks back in, no matter how much time has passed, nobody has to explain why.

This summer, we decided it was finally time to get the entire Posse together in person.

Some of us had met in smaller groups over the years, but getting everyone together required flights, driving, carpooling and what can only be described as a very well-executed Type A itinerary designed to maximize every possible minute together.

And, of course, it culminated in an official in-person Monday check-in at Swiss Chalet, because after three and a half years of inside jokes, there are some traditions you simply don’t mess with.

There was something incredibly special about looking around that table and realizing that these weren’t just little squares on a Zoom screen anymore. These were people who had been there through some of the hardest moments of our lives. People who knew the stories behind the tears and the laughter. People who knew the partners we had lost through the stories we’d shared about them.

People who had become part of our stories too.

None of us would ever have chosen the circumstances that brought us together. If we could rewrite our stories, we would all choose to have our partners sitting beside us instead.

But within something unimaginably difficult, Wellspring gave us an extraordinary gift.
It gave us a place to show up exactly as we were. It gave us the framework and opportunity to connect when we desperately needed connection. And ultimately, it introduced people who might otherwise never have met.

More than three and a half years later, Wellspring’s impact isn’t something that ended when our program did.

It shows up every Monday night.

It shows up in Zoom calls, texts, laughter, tears, trips, celebrations, check-ins and the occasional Swiss Chalet.

It shows up in a group of people who know they don’t have to navigate this life alone.

We came to Wellspring looking for support.

We left with a Posse.

And for that, we will always be grateful.

– written by Janette, on behalf of “The Posse”