Three years ago, when Asli came to Canada from Turkey, she felt as though she was living on cloud nine. At 27, she was achieving her childhood dream of living and studying abroad. To pay her rent while in school, she worked in an air compressor factory, but soon discovered how challenging it was to navigate life in Toronto and learn English at the same time. The pressure became overwhelming. One day, she abruptly quit her job and began spending her savings.
After her landlord couldn’t reach her for several weeks, police conducted a wellness check. When they arrived, they found Asli isolated, having not left her bed for 48 days. “When they found me, I was about 70lbs. I was starving, I couldn’t walk on my own, I was so depressed, and I thought I was going to die,” Asli shared. She was taken to the hospital and eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder.
As part of her treatment plan, Asli met with her doctor every two weeks. During one visit, she casually mentioned finding a lump in her breast two years earlier. Recalling that day, she mentions, “I didn’t have any symptoms, and I felt really healthy physically. I was doing yoga and walking a lot, so I thought it was just a cyst.”
Her doctor referred her to the breast clinic for testing. After an ultrasound and biopsy, the tone shifted. “At this point, I was getting really nervous’’ she reflected. “I felt like something was wrong because they kept asking me to move my appointments up sooner.” Then came the diagnosis: breast cancer. Asli burst out in tears. “Am I going to die? I was so overwhelmed because I was just working on my mental health and rebuilding my life. I want to have a career; I want to get married and have children. I didn’t know what was going to happen.”
Recognizing that Asli had no local support system, her family doctor and the oncologist’s office both referred her to Wellspring. She immediately registered for the Lesbian and Queer Women’s support group. About her experience in the group, Asli says, “I just got diagnosed – I didn’t even start chemo yet – but everyone listened to my fears. The group was so positive and supportive. They helped me understand what to expect and how to support myself through the process. They helped me so much!” She also really loved the meditation aspect of the group, which helped to calm her nervous system.
Encouraged by her experience, Asli joined another program, Healing Journey. She was grateful for the tools she learned, including visualization, breathwork, and techniques to understand her own mind. She even used these skills during a difficult procedure. “During my first surgery, there was a complication with my nipples, and I had to have a second surgery to remove them – but I was awake for this one. Although I didn’t feel pain, I could feel them tugging and cutting me. I was terrified. I realized in that moment that it was time to visualize. I pictured myself in my safe space, drinking my hot chocolate, just as I learned to do. It really helped me stay calm,” Asli recalled.
With stage 3 cancer in her right breast and genetic testing returning a positive result, Asli faced the prospect of yearly mammograms and MRIs for the rest of her life. Not wanting to live with the anxiety of constant testing, she made the difficult decision to get a double mastectomy. Because her cancer is hormone-positive, she now takes medication that will put her into early menopause, forcing her to come to terms with the fact that she will never be able to have her own children.
She credits a lot of her healing at this stage to what she learned in Wellspring’s Healing Journey 2 program. “I’ll never forget my first session of the class, where I learned about cancer as grief. It was exactly what I was going through, but I didn’t have the words. I learned how to accept and honour my emotions. Instead of waiting for people to ask me how I am, I now ask myself what I need. I learned to release judgment,” Asli shared.
Because of her schedule and other barriers, Asli accessed her programs online – a lifeline that allowed her to stay connected and supported. Though she has been through a lot, including a terrible reaction to chemo, two surgeries and 15 rounds of radiation – Asli now shares her story with a smile.
“Finding Wellspring was the end of my search for community. With this amazing community, the tools I’ve learned and my spirituality, I feel like I fought a bear, I’ve come back, I’ve recovered! I feel everything happens for a reason,” she says.