Prostate cancer is sometimes referred to as a “couple’s cancer,” as it can affect sexual health, and pose unique strains on intimate relationships.
“It can have specific side effects that are sometimes awkward to talk about with family and friends,” said Sue Sohnle, whose husband Patrick was diagnosed in 2010. “Initially we joined a support group for men with prostate cancer and their families, but I noticed that spouses – myself included – are also going through a lot of difficult things, and we needed our own place to talk about it. So in 2017, I formed Prostate Cancer Support – Edmonton Women, a support group just for caregivers of those with prostate cancer.
The group meets monthly at Wellspring Alberta’s Edmonton House.
Wellspring opens channels of wellness
Since Wellspring opened its Edmonton location in 2017, Sue says she and her husband have both accessed various Wellspring programs, including yoga, harp circle, art, nutrition, and her husband’s ongoing favourite – Ukulele.
“He absolutely loves the Ukulele group. He says he likes this group because there is no judgement, everyone sings at the top of their lungs, the whole focus is joy,” said Sue. “If we are busy with appointments or other things, and he only has time and energy for one activity, he will choose the Wellspring Ukulele group hands down.”
In the early days, Sue says Patrick felt a need to keep his diagnosis private, but she let him know that for her, talking openly with others helped her cope and meet her own need for support, hence her decision to join Wellspring, and create a specific support group – a safe space for other caregivers to share the challenges of their spouse having prostate cancer.
“Wellspring has been so generous in letting us meet at their location. Our meeting room is cozy and intimate and perfect for our group. A lot of the women who come to our group find us online or through the men’s prostate cancer group. If they haven’t discovered Wellspring yet, this allows us to introduce them to the free programs and other resources, just as those who find Wellspring first, can find their way to our additional support group. I consider our group a doorway to Wellspring – a channel that flows both ways,” said Sue.
In the recent months, the Sue and Patrick have entered a new phase in their wellness continuum.
“We’ve been on a very long journey … in treatment, between treatments, stable, not stable,” said Sue, noting that the couple always knew the disease – metastatic early on – was not curable. “I never realized that cancer could be more like a chronic disease, but for more than 10 years, hormone therapy kept it at bay. Recently the hormone therapy stopped working, and with his cancer advancing, Patrick was put on another drug. He is also in a clinical trial that is testing a new drug for advanced prostate cancer,” said Sue.
Hope is possible, and the pair are well equipped to keep it afloat, with their strong supports in place and their years of building resilience.
If there’s one key thing I’ve learned from the ladies in our group, it’s that I can’t let the cancer dominate my thoughts – we deal with the challenges we have to, but I always make sure I have small things to look forward to and focus on enjoying life day to day. This is how we’ve managed to keep positive and hopeful for all these years.
Editor’s Note:
The prostate cancer support group at Edmonton House is a safe space for women to share about their experiences as caregivers. Those looking for a prostate cancer-specific group that welcomes partners of prostate cancer patients regardless of sex or gender may be interested in Partners in Prostate’s monthly online support group.
