Approaching age 60, and well past a successful career in corporate accounting, Tony Thai jokes that he has a “PhD in catastrophizing”… a distinction that becomes less comical and more appropriate when you hear of just some of the hardships he has endured, beginning with war and fleeing his native Vietnam at age 16.
“I came to Canada with my mother and sister as refugees in 1979. You would remember us by the term ‘boat people’,” he said.
Without glossing over horrific details, Tony shares an abbreviated version of the riveting story of the south Vietnamese government collapsing after the war; his father ending up in jail; he and his sister being separated from their beloved grandmother; and the three of them somehow surviving the treacherous journey to Malaysia in an overcrowded boat… a journey in which many refugees suffered dehydration, starvation and in some cases death.
“I’m sorry, I digress,” he said ruefully, remembering that we were meeting to talk about his cancer experience and the meaningful support he found at Wellspring.
“To give context to my cancer experience, I do have to back up and say that in 2015, six years before I heard the word cancer for myself, my younger and only sister Lynne died of stomach cancer. She was not yet 50 and she left behind three kids, the youngest was just eight,” said Tony. “I will never forget being with her at the Grey Nuns Hospital when the doctors told her the news. It was all very clinical – no comfort. I can still hear the sound of her screaming and wailing as she asked for just 10 more years to see her youngest child turn 18. Four months later she was gone. I was very traumatized by this,” said Tony.
Hence the unwritten syllabus for a ‘PhD in catastrophizing.’
Tony shares openly that he had already experienced anxiety and extreme depression in 2014. However, as a student of life, he also learned from the tragedy of his sister’s passing, most notably by realizing that he didn’t want to continue in his career. Shortly after his sister’s passing, at age 52, Tony decided to retire early from his corporate accounting job, so he could step up and engage in parental duties for his eight-year-old niece. With no kids of his own, he found a great deal of purposeful satisfaction in this endeavour.
Then came the day in December of 2021 when routine blood work flagged an issue with his thyroid, and following an ultrasound and a biopsy, Tony learned that he had thyroid cancer.
“I was very traumatized by this news. I learned that it was malignant in results I viewed in an email. It said it was Stage 6, and knowing that cancer goes only to Stage 4, I was beside myself … I thought ‘I should be dead!’ But then I learned that this is a different system of measurement that only applies to thyroid cancer and indicated that it was definitely malignant. In fact, it turned out to be Stage 1 cancer and quite treatable,” he said.
With the pandemic then sweeping the globe, Tony anxiously waited several months for surgery that would be a full thyroidectomy. Not wanting to distress his mother, who had already lost one of her two kids to cancer, he withheld the news of his diagnosis until several days before surgery. Terrified himself, he summoned the courage to assuage her fears.
“I went through all kinds of extreme emotions. Angry – why me? Afraid – Will I die like my sister? And the blaming too … did I eat the wrong food? Not enough exercise?” said Tony.
But the surgery was a success, and today, Tony is doing well. For the rest of his life, he will be on a synthetic hormone that does the job of the thyroid, and he requires quarterly blood tests to measure and adjust the hormone dosage accordingly. This year he will see his surgeon one last time and if all is well, he will gratefully carry on cancer-free.
Next year marks the 10-year anniversary of his sister Lynn’s death. Tony continues to revere her memory as her youngest daughter prepares to graduate high school.
The Tune of Wellspring
Tony first learned of Wellspring when his partner Alvin was diagnosed with Leukemia around 10 years ago. Fortunately, Alvin was admitted to a clinical trial and he responded successfully to the treatment. He is now gratefully in remission. Along the way, Alvin was told about Wellspring, and he and Tony toured Edmonton House soon after it opened in 2017.
“I went along with Alvin to see what it was all about, but I can tell you, at that time I never thought in a million years that this would be a place I would later come to visit on a regular basis,” he said.
For Alvin, the online gay men’s group resonated, but Tony did not seek any type of support until he was diagnosed himself several years later and a friend with breast cancer urged him to join.
“My friend was telling me about the ukulele group at Wellspring, but I told her ‘no thanks, I don’t play an instrument’ and anyway Ukulele sounded like a hokey pokey thing that you go to Hawaii to hear,” he said laughing.
While the centre was still closed due to the pandemic, Tony was interested in other programs, so he joined the Wellspring online community and found he very much enjoyed Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, Zen Art, mindful photography and Qigong. When the centre reopened for in person classes, he decided to venture to the building, mostly out of a desire to meet the Qigong facilitator who he greatly admired.
“At first the thought of this building did not resonate with me. I didn’t want to go to a place that reminded me I have cancer. I told myself it’s a healing place, but by walking through that door, I was basically acknowledging to myself that I do have cancer. It was a very emotional threshold to cross … I was no longer there as a caregiver to my partner, but a cancer patient myself. It took a lot of mental struggles for me to come to terms with this,” he said.
But inside Wellspring, Tony was greeted with the warmth and kindness of staff and volunteers, and he found himself deeply moved by the friendship and connections he made there.
“Now I am there regularly, twice a week and I can tell you, Wellspring is the highlight of my week,” he said. “At Wellspring you don’t have to explain yourself, there is an unspoken understanding. You are there with people who know cancer. They know how scary it is. They know that it is always in the back of your head and can come back. They know how precious life is. We don’t necessarily talk about cancer, but there is this underlying connection with each other.”
When months into being a member, Tony got an email inviting him to join Wellspring’s ukulele program, he decided it was a sign from the Universe and he decided to give it a try.
“I was hooked the very first session – it’s so much fun! I couldn’t remember having that much fun since I was a kid. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep up, but it’s easy, no pressure, you just play whatever chord you can and sing along. I didn’t realize that you get to sing – and though I don’t have a wonderful voice, I love singing! Music is a huge therapy for me – I sing to relieve stress,” said Tony.
Tony loves this program so much that he has now purchased his own ukulele and is taking extra lessons on the side.
“People can hear us playing ukulele downstairs and they often come and stand outside the door just to experience the joy in the room. Really, it’s the greatest feeling ever! We are blowing the roof off!” he said.
Words from the Wise
While Tony admits he still experiences intense dread when he goes to do his bloodwork, worrying that there may be some lingering cancer cells in his body, for the most part he is coping and doing well.
Tony tears up when he shares that one of the ways he copes when he finds himself becoming stressed or worried that cancer might come back, is to borrow the wisdom from a fellow Wellspring member, Michael Webber, who sadly lost his life earlier this year.
“Michael would use this mantra: It’s not happening now. It was his way of staying in the present moment and keeping worry at bay. I find these words so powerful; they help me a lot. I use Michael’s words to find peace in the moment, and to remember that right here, right now, everything is okay,” said Tony.
On a Mission to Share Wellspring
“I am very frustrated that many people do not know about this wonderful organization, I was the one to tell my doctor about Wellspring, and many people at the Cross Cancer Institute have never heard of it,” said Tony. “This motivated me to make it my passion to help as much as possible to raise awareness of Wellspring. For instance, last year, for my birthday I decided to raise money for Wellspring on Facebook. I encourage others to do this as well.”
Tony also feels strongly that the Wellspring building in Edmonton slides under the radar, due to the fact that there is nothing on the building to indicate what it is.
“I’m very glad Wellspring is doing a campaign to raise money for a sign outside the building that tells what the organization is. The word cancer can be terrifying, I understand that, but people need to know that this amazing organization exists, and Wellspring is here to help people going through cancer,” said Tony.
One Response
Great story! Love you Tony!!