Over the past decade, Dave Wallace has suffered three strokes, a heart attack, a heartbreaking loss, and stomach cancer, and yet somehow, he and his wife Rena, both in their early 70s, keep raising their sprits with trips abroad and active adventures.
“After my strokes, I learned that 75 per cent of stroke patients become depressed, and I decided that the best way to combat that was to pretend to be positive. So, I pretended to be positive and low and behold, after six weeks I was positive,” said Dave.
While relearning how to walk and talk occupied the better part of seven months of rehab, Dave poured equal efforts into remembering how to read. “In rehab, I talked to my brain, apologized for having damaged it, and asked it to hook up a network so I could read again. After about six weeks, my brain was pleased to grow new pathways and I was able to read again,” he said proudly.
The couple delight in sharing that they met at ages 15 and 16, both working at a library in Winnipeg. Four years later they were married, and this year they celebrated their 53-year anniversary.
“I have to say it’s not always been easy, but my life is very good. I guess being positive, and taking one day at a time – this is what we do, and it works for us,” said Rena.
Unfathomable loss
In 2016, after Dave’s strokes and before his cancer, Dave and Rena lost their only child, their son Adam, in a car accident.
“At that time, we were in our 60s and about to retire. We had made plans to go to Europe and walk the Camino. The lease was up on our condo, so we packed up and went to Spain for three months. For 41 days we walked the Camino; from Saint-Jean-Pied-de-Port, France to Santiago de Compostela, Spain. We stopped in every church along the way and lit candles for our son Adam and we finished on July 9, Adam’s birthday,” said Dave.
When they got back, Dave and Rena took their restless spirits on the road. “We moved to Kelowna for a year and then to Halifax for three years, and then we just kept on moving. We moved and moved and moved, all part of our grieving process,” said Dave.
The cancer gene
Dave’s cancer story is a bit unconventional… beginning with genetic testing, when, in his 60s, he learned from several cousins that some in their family shared a familial trait – a gene called CDH1 that predisposed its carriers to stomach cancer.
“My mom died of stomach cancer and five or six of my aunts had stomach cancer as well, so this is what sparked the genetic probing to see what the common factor was,” said Dave. “In 2019, I had a blood test, but the genetics lab in Halifax didn’t know much about this gene, so my bloodwork went to the UCLA genetics lab in the States, and it came back as positive. I’m one of the unlucky ones to have this gene, so I’m a carrier,” said Dave.
With no signs of cancer at that time, the pair carried on with their life, staying attuned to health, and researching stomach cancer treatments.
Then while living back in Calgary, in July 2021, scans revealed two cancerous spots on Dave’s stomach, and six weeks later, at age 69, he underwent a radical surgery to have his stomach removed.
“You’ve heard of whirlwind romances… well this was whirlwind medical intervention,” said Rena.
For those wondering what a ‘new normal’ looks like for someone without a stomach, Dave has the inside story.
“I’ve certainly had all sorts of issues; passing out in the shower, passing out when I got up to go to the bathroom at night, losing 70 pounds, etcetera. But right now it’s pretty under control – I’m learning to live with it,” said Dave, adding, “I can only can eat small amounts at a time and I have to get up every night and eat at 2:00 or 3:00 am.”
Always looking for the silver lining, the pair say that cancer led them to Wellspring – an immensely appreciated community of support when they were most in need.
Wellspring on the way
“I walk a lot, and when we landed back in Calgary during the pandemic in September 2020, I often walked past Carma House and wondered what is this place? One day in January 2021, as I walked past the building, someone was walking in the door, so I walked in behind them. When I learned that Wellspring supports cancer patients, caregivers and families, I said, “Oh my God, we need you – we really need you!”” said Rena.
The pair signed up for many programs, including yoga, Exercise and Educate and Supportive Conversations. Rena joined Pole Walking, Tai Chi and Knitting. Dave found great comfort in Men’s Group, and they both found their groove in the summer cycling program.
“Wellspring has been such a great resource for us – a tremendous source of friendship and connection,” said Rena, adding, “I get so much from time spent with the knitting group, and Men’s Group really opened Dave’s eyes and his ability to share his thoughts and emotions. It’s great.”
Dave agrees, noting that he was in a slump due to the pandemic, but Wellspring brought him back around.
“My own family is splintered, but it’s one of those things where you’re in a group with others who have cancer, and they become your family. They know what you’re going through. You can talk to them about everything and you feel like they care,” he said. “Along with programs, we have gone to concerts at Wellspring, taken part in BBQs, met other members there for coffee, it’s just a great place to go and be apart of.”
Rena on caregiving
“The part of caregiving that I find difficult is that Dave wants to be very independent, and we are sometimes at loggerheads because I think I could help him more than he allows me to,” said Rena, adding that with his short-term memory loss, he sometimes forgets to tell her he has fallen or passed out; she discovers this herself when a bruise shows the evidence.
But overall, she explains that the couple has a workable routine where Dave stays on top of how much, when and what he can eat, and together they share the cooking and cleaning. She also says that they now have separate bedrooms, which helps prevent sleep deprivation for her when Dave gets up for nighttime meals.
Moving right along
One thing is certain, near catastrophic health issues may have sidelined this couple, but it did not derail their sense of adventure.
“Since our three-month trip to Spain, we’ve spent six weeks in Greece, six weeks in France, six weeks in Portugal, and last spring we spent a month in Italy,” said Dave.
Next up, the pair are joining a couple they met at Wellspring and planning a 315-kilometre -cycling trip along the Portuguese Coastal route of the Camino.
“Cancer is everywhere in both our families, but we can’t let that rob us of the good life we can make for ourselves,” said Dave. “One day at a time, we make our way,” adds Rena.
