There’s something fantastic about Conrad Delorme. About the mischievous twinkle in his deep-set eyes, and the fact that his face is impossibly smooth and unblemished, though he owns all 82 years of his life and has death defying stories to tell.
“When I wake up in the morning, my first thought is: I’m pretty happy I’m breathing! Because there are a lot of people who don’t get here,” said Conrad, beaming.
The Game of Life
Conrad grew up in Pilot Mound, Manitoba with one sibling and parents who valued hard work and honest living. He has Métis heritage traced to grandparents on his father’s side and German ancestry on his mother’s side. His easy way with people he attributes to his mother, who was a friend to everyone.
“There wasn’t much to do in our small town, but of course there was hockey and baseball, and I played both. In baseball, I was the first baseman playing with a really good group of guys, so we won a lot. Our team got inducted into the Manitoba Baseball Hall of Fame,” he said, showing the thick silver engraved pinky ring that underscores the first of his notable achievements.
But from age 14 on into his 40s, Conrad says he went completely off the rails…consumed by a ferocious addiction to alcohol that nearly ended his life, his marriage, and his career. When, at age 41, his wife Pat, and his business partner at the time staged an intervention, Conrad earned his next greatest achievement: sobriety for life.
“I’m one of the lucky ones…people cared enough to say, ‘either you change or you’re going to die’,” he said. “I really wanted sobriety. I wanted it so bad that I joined a 12-step program, and sometimes I was going to three meetings a day. I was working in downtown Calgary in the energy business and I would go to a 7:00 am meeting before work, then I walked down the street to a meeting on my lunch hour, and then another one after work. That, plus an incredible sponsor, is what it took for me to make it.”
In subsequent years, Conrad would lean into the foundations and culture of the 12-step program fully, sponsoring many other alcoholics, speaking at events, and sitting on numerous non-profit boards, including Alpha House, Native Addiction Services, and the Sunrise Healing Lodge, where he has been on the board for the past eight years.
“I spent the first part of my life being selfish, self-centered, and egotistical. The way I see it, change only happens, and it only really counts, if you give it away. You have to give back; share the life lessons,” he said.
In 1991, Conrad and Pat faced an unbearable tragedy–the death of their oldest son Darren, at age 31, in a drilling rig accident. Then, just seven years sober at the time, Conrad says he owes his continued sobriety to “the power of the program,” and said that though he was confused, distraught, and angry, he didn’t even think about taking a drink.
Instead, he carried on with his prosperous career in oilfield services, and with the urging of his sponsor, he marked many sobriety milestones by doing things on his bucket list. For instance, the first year he celebrated by taking flying lessons and earning his pilot’s license. At five years sober, he signed up for auctioneer school in Billings, Montana, and though he didn’t plan to become an auctioneer, he enjoyed the challenge and says it helped him hone the craft of public speaking.
Fuelled by his unrelenting drive and spirit of adventure, Conrad enjoyed many other unique experiences, including taking scuba diving lessons; raising, riding, and training horses; practicing yoga extensively; and at age 70, after an intensive year of training at a gym and working with a trainer, he deadlifted 328 lbs. To this he says, “See what I mean? Drunks go to extremes!”
Caregiving and Caretaking
Throughout their 56-year marriage, Conrad and Pat faced all kinds of adversity, and never, it seems, on a small scale.
For Pat, diabetes and gall bladder issues, along with poor knees, became her greatest challenges in her 70s. With their three remaining kids tied up with their own lives and families, Conrad retired in 2015 at age 72, to take on a greater role in the care of his wife and the daily chores of running of their home.
“Those were pretty intense times. With Pat’s lack of mobility, she couldn’t really do the cooking and cleaning so that became my job. At first, I kind of resented the situation, but then I grew to like it. You make the best of things,” said Conrad.
Three years into his new role as a caregiver, amid health appointments and driving Pat to dialysis three times a week, Conrad learned that he had rectal cancer.
“When I found out about the cancer, friends and family all freaked out, but really, I wasn’t all that shaken by it. I told my oncologist, “I’ve already looked death in the face; in my drinking days, I was going to die if I didn’t quit. This is not that big a deal. Let’s just get with the program and get it looked after”,” said Conrad.
Fortunately, the disease had not spread, and within a month of diagnosis, Conrad had surgery, and over time, he recovered fully. Unfortunately, more difficulties lay ahead.
In 2021, Pat was in the hospital with gall bladder issues, and with Covid restrictions in full swing, the couple’s oldest daughter had just gone back home to Cold Lake after helping with caregiving. The next night, Conrad, alone at home, woke in the night with chest pain. The next day he drove himself to his doctor it was determined that he was having a heart attack. After being rushed to Foothills Medical Center, he had surgery to put in five stents.
Sadly, just over a year later, in January of 2023, Pat succumbed to her diabetes and passed on. “We had 56 years together; that’s pretty tough to beat,” said Conrad. “She was really something special. I was lucky in love.”
If that wasn’t enough anguish to bear, a month after losing Pat, Conrad had his long-awaited hip replacement surgery. Always quick to point out the silver lining, he said, “My youngest daughter who lives in New Brunswick was here when her mother died, so with my surgery scheduled the next month, she stayed on to help me out. She and I always had kind of tumultuous relationship–she has quite a bit of me in her–I think that’s why,” he said, eyes twinkling. “Her being with me for a month after surgery was probably the way it was meant to be. We are now extremely close.’’
Faith and Rituals
While he was raised in a Catholic family, Conrad says he turned his back on religion in his teens, and later found a faith that better suited his untamed spirit.
“I like to think I am spiritual without attaching myself to any man-made religion. For that reason, I am tolerant of any religion–if people believe in something and they have faith, that’s good by me. Through the program, I’ve learned to believe in a power greater than myself. I know there is a God, and I know that it isn’t me,” he said laughing.
As for his Indigenous roots, Conrad feels proud when others call him a storyteller, and he embraces other aspects of his culture that bring him peace and harmony.
“For example, I have come to learn to smudge, not daily, but when the mood strikes me. It’s nice, I like it, but you don’t just light your sage or sweetgrass and let it smoke, you have to set an intent. Like on a day like today, I might light my sage, fan it with an eagle feather, maybe say a prayer, and then set an intention–for instance to be open and honest with the people I meet,” he said.
Coming Home to Wellspring Alberta
Conrad learned about Wellspring Alberta in his late 70s, when he signed up for a MATCH Study (Mindfulness and Tai Chi) through U of C, and spent 14 weeks learning Tai Chi with a facilitator who also happened to teach Tai Chi at Wellspring. She told Conrad about Wellspring, and one day after dropping his wife off at the Foothills Medical Centre for her dialysis, he decided to check out Carma House location in Montgomery.
“It was easy, I just walked in and a very nice volunteer gave me a tour of the place. The first thing that struck me was that I really liked the little library upstairs. I sat down and I thought, ‘I feel real comfortable here’,” he said.
In the following months, Conrad signed up for yoga, tai chi, qigong, and drumming. Although he found he was often the only male in many of the programs, he found tools he could use and a sense of community that quickly became a meaningful part of his life.
“I love Wellspring. I walk through the door and I’m home. Just the feeling there gives me a good feeling–this is where I belong,” said Conrad. “Everyone there has had cancer or they are a caregiver, and over time, some of them have come to feel like old friends.”
Thoughts on Ego
When asked why he thinks fewer men than women access programs and support at Wellspring, Conrad answers bluntly.
“It’s ego, plain and simple. They let it get in the way and they don’t get the help and support they need,” he said. “I had cancer…a lot of men get cancer. And whether you are in cancer care or you are cancer free, we all need tools in our life to deal with these things. Wellspring offers such an opportunity to discover new ways to live your life, and can we can all benefit from that, no matter who we are.”
For Conrad, it’s a no brainer; flip despair wide open and see what it holds for you.
“Why go through cancer, have surgery, or go through treatment and not do anything with those life lessons? For me, I always like to ask questions…what can I learn from this experience? What can I learn from this program, from the people at Wellspring, from anyone I meet?”
And so, you’ll find him there at Wellspring, the guy who’s asking questions, listening, and telling a story or two. You will know Conrad by his easy manner, his radiant smile, and the mischievous twinkle in eyes that have seen so much.
One Response
Well Conrad, this is a very interesting story to read and take strength in your conviction, to do better and be better. Congratulations on being a member of Wellspring Alberta and overcoming hurdles you have made into life lessons.
You are another success story from taking Wellspring programs and healing self. Keep beating your drum making hearts strong.